Week Seven: excerpt of chapter four

At 12:18 tomorrow

morning

   I stole away into the

night

                  { the water is so warm … }

                                    But I held my tongue.

The sun was hot on their backs but the salt water kept them cool for the most part. Alex had found some old boogie boards left over from when he was younger and they all took turns, laughing at the Power Puff Girls design. The material was scratchy and chafed their skin, but it was all worth it to see Aiden get dumped by a particularly large wave.

Mark made them walk to the diary at the other end of the beach, again not wanting to damage the upholstery of the ancient Volvo, despite the juice stains already tainting it from their childhood. They all bought double cone ice creams, trying to get through them before they melted over their hands. By the time they got back to the car, they were dry enough to sit down in it. Mark handed his ice cream to Alex to hold while he drove, Alex panicking and licking up the bits that were starting to drip. Mark reached over to pinch his knee, but he was smiling as he did so.

Carlos and Mark went on a fish and chips run, leaving Jaemin, Aiden and Alex to start organising their things, dumped in a pile in the middle of the living room. There was a fair amount of food left in the pantry from the last member of the family that had stayed there, but Alex felt weird about eating that instead of the stuff they had bought at a supermarket on the way up. They struggled to get the Wi-Fi router set up, Jaemin reading out the manual and Aiden snapping at him to go slower as he adjusted wires. Alex made a punch of Pimms and ginger ale, mixing in chopped fruit and mint leaves.

They decided to eat down at the beach on one of the picnic tables, Carlos texting Jaemin telling them to walk down and meet them. Alex took down some tomato sauce for the chips and Aiden rummaged around for his Bluetooth speaker. They saw Carlos and Mark about a hundred metres down the beach front, food wrapped in newspapers laid out on the table next to a large bottle of coke. They took turns passing the coke around, drinking straight from the bottle as they picked at the fish and chips.

Alex hooked his phone up to the speaker and put his general playlist on shuffle to a Milky Chance song. When they finished the food, they put the wrappers in a nearby bin and went down onto the beach to run up and down, chasing each other like they did when they were younger. It was nice, to feel like a little kid again, even if the music set a different tone. Aiden still screamed the same way when they grabbed a limb each and dragged him, fully clothed, back towards the water, throwing him into the shallow waves and laughing. They eventually all got in, shoes and socks long forgotten by the Bluetooth speaker.

They stayed down on the beach long after the sun set out on the ocean. Alex lay down on his back on the picnic table, Mark silently joining him and lying down on the seat. He reached up to where Alex’s hand was hanging off the edge of the table, linking just their pinkies together. Alex stared up at the clear night sky, listening to his friends splashing around in the water.

He started thinking about the space between the stars, as he often did when he looked at the dark sky. Started thinking about how hopelessly small he was in the grand scheme, how insignificant this life and this night and this moment were. He placed a hand under his head and let out a sigh, trying not to think about death too much so that he wouldn’t ruin the mood, but it was difficult when the call of the abyss tugged at the strings of his hoodie every chance it got. He started to think about the ocean and how deep it went; how humankind had only explored five percent of it and what could be at the bottom of the deepest part of the sea bed. He started to think about the 52 Hertz whale, how lonely it was swimming around and calling out for a friend though no one could hear it.

In an attempt to anchor himself, Alex shifted his hand to lace his fingers with Mark’s. Mark sat up and looked down at him, too fast for Alex to blink back the glossiness in his eyes. Mark frowned.

“You okay?”

Alex wiped his nose on the back of his wrist and turned his head to look at Mark, giving him a weak smile. “I’m good.”

Mark’s frown deepened and he rested his chin on the table, face very close to Alex’s. “You sure?”

Alex swallowed and tried to maintain eye contact. “Yeah.”

There was a moment – brief though it was – where Mark’s eyes flicked down to Alex’s mouth, but before he could react Mark was standing up and letting go of his hand to call down to their friends.

“Let’s go back up to the house, I wanna watch a movie.”

Alex was thankful as he climbed back into the Volvo and they drove back up to the house, Aiden insisting that they watch Zoolander; “The original one, the second one was shit”. When they climbed into bed, Aiden decided he wanted to sleep alone for once. As soon as the lights were out, Mark pulled Alex into his chest, and Alex let him.